Muslim Parenting Styles: Accepting Your Child
Every child has their own unique abilities and so it is important to recognize their needs. Different Muslim parenting styles exist that involve either permissive, authoritarian and authoritative styles. These depend on the uniqueness of the child that needs guidance. Recognizing which parenting style is most suitable for your child as a parent can be hard.
But the first step is fully accepting the uniqueness of your child and their emotional needs. Then the most suitable parenting style can be chosen to foster the child in the best ways possible. This is important because the role of parents in Islam is paramount in the upbringing of a child. Every child is different. So, there is a high chance that they might not want to do or want to be someone that you might want them to be.
The Need for Different Muslim Parenting Styles
Let’s explore different Muslim parenting styles in Islam through examples from the Prophet (saw). The Prophet (saw) was known for his proficiency in observing the skills and talents of his companions. He knew precisely who to appoint to be a judge in cases of disputes between members of his community.
He also knew who to appoint to be the leaders of his army. And who to rely on to aid him in writing letters to kings of surrounding nations. He also knew those who were knowledgeable and patient enough to be sent as teachers to different tribes. He knew who the talented businessmen were and encouraged them in their trades. And they, in turn, supported him with all that they had of wealth and property.
Consider the story of Zaid ibn Thabit (ra). As a young teen, Zaid wished to fight alongside the Prophet Muhammad (saw) and his companions in battles. But the Prophet refused to enlist him until he was older. Zaid then turned his attention to the study and memorization of the Quran. The Prophet (saw) soon recognized Zaid’s linguistic abilities. So, he asked Zaid to learn Hebrew to facilitate communication with the Jewish tribes. He learned the language in a very short time period.
Eventually Zaid would be given the great trust of being one of the Prophet’s scribes. He wrote down the revelation as Muhammad (saw) received it. He also wrote letters to various tribes and leaders.
Had the Prophet asked another companion besides Zaid to study additional languages to facilitate communication and help the spread of knowledge, the task may not have been done to the same level of precision. He (saw) had the potential to recognize other’s abilities. This helped him help nurture them to help them be the best of themselves.
The Prophet Muhammad (saw) was a master of observing and understanding a person’s potential. He was helping him or her water the seeds of faith and knowledge. He was utilizing those talents towards the betterment of the individual and the community. No job was belittled or worth any more or less than another job. Every Muslim in every position was needed to make the community work well.
Role of Parents in Islam
Different children need different parenting styles in Islam to flourish. Parents need to understand the importance of their role in the upbringing of their children. So, observing your child’s natural interests and fostering her development with this in mind is paramount to her success.
Provide her with a wide array of learning options. Then allow yourself over time to notice how best she learns and what subjects interest her more than others. She may learn best by experiencing, or hearing, or seeing, or a combination of all three. Not impeding a child’s learning means diligently observing the positive things she naturally gravitates toward. It also means supporting her learning journey in that as this is the true role of parents in Islam.
As the Prophet (saw) did with his companions, continue to water the seed of potential in your child. Be content with the plant that grows, even if it isn’t quite what you were expecting.
Accept your Child’s Uniqueness
Not every child must grow up to be a doctor or a teacher, or even a “professional” per se. Your child may not want to take on the family business. She may not want to attend the same school or be involved in the same activities as you. And that’s perfectly fine. Pigeonholing your offspring from a tender age into the narrow compartment of what is an “acceptable” professional path in life will only bring discontent to your family.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t promote a well-rounded learning journey for your child. Rather, based on what Muslim parenting style suits you the most, tread carefully. So as not stomp over that fragile sprout of potential that is emerging as she grows. Understand that every child is unique and will grow up to have a unique contribution to the world. That is something that should be encouraged and respected.
A lovely, lasting reminder, sister! Harness the unique attributes and talents that God has uniquely bestowed and invested in each of us. To cherish and nurture these ‘gems’ to full potential, attaining inner nur and bringing light to the world in return. There are schools of thought around doing this more delibrately, both from early childhood to workplaces! Masha’Allah, a beautiful piece.