Parenting Stress is Normal

Parenting stress is real, and we all suffer from it. Just like planting a tiny seed in the soil, not knowing when—or even if—it will bloom. You water it daily, protect it from harm, and hope that one day, it will grow tall and strong. We are always worried whether we are doing the job right or wrong. We face many parenting challenges: becoming angry when our child shouts for silly reasons, our child not listening to our advice when all we tell them is for their own good. These challenges can make us think about giving up. But the truth is that the fruit of our efforts does not come quickly. It takes time, effort and above all patience. Parenting stress often creeps in during the quiet moments—when we lie awake wondering if we said the right thing, did the right thing, or gave enough of ourselves.

Prophet Muhammad (saw) said,

“If the Final Hour comes while you have a palm-cutting in your hands and it is possible to plant it before the Hour comes, you should plant it.”

Parenting Challenges in a Complicated World

The world can be a scary, dark place sometimes. You might feel like people are out to get you because of who you are, or that people willfully misunderstand you because of the tone of your skin, your features, or what you wear on your head.

You will be afraid sometimes. In these moments of fear and doubt, you’ll wonder if it’s worth it to keep going. You’ll wonder if it’s worth it to dream, to plan, to capitalize on your potential. You’ll wonder if bending yourself toward the light is a futile endeavour.

And then a day will come, and you’ll find yourself holding seeds of promise in your palms and wondering – should I plant these? Is there any point?

Planting Seeds No Matter What:

Plant them. Gently place them on the earth, cover them with the soil they need to grow, water them, and let the sun tug at them until they crack open and shoot out of the ground to reach toward the sky.

Plant them, even if the darkness tells you “There’s no hope, they’ll never grow.”

When you’ve planted your seeds, you might become impatient. You might visit the patch of earth daily, sprinkling it with water and waiting. But try as you may, you can’t coax the little seed to crack open and grow. You are not in control.

Parenting Stress and Challenges:

Same is the case with parenting. When parenting stress weighs heavy on your heart, remind yourself that your duty is not to force results. Results won’t come quickly so be patient. You cannot be a perfect parent. It is not possible for one to control the outcome of what happens in your child’s life.

You must only be a present parent. A parent who is there for his/her child always. You must only plant the seed and then use Islamic parenting strategies

to nurture the seed.

Parenting stress is a real thing. And similarly, parenting challenges are countless. But you must only have good and pure intentions. Whether or not your children listen to you or grow up to be as you wish is not in your control.

When we plant the seeds of success in this world, we always want to see the fruit of our labour right away. But what grows is only in Allah’s control. When He says, “Be,” then it is.

Your Responsibility:

You are only responsible for planting that seed: a good word, a smile, a dollar in the donation box, a helping hand to someone in need. Plant them, liberally. Make it your life’s goal to be the farmer of good deeds. Do good and become an example for your children.

But instead of standing around and waiting for them to grow, walk forward and keep planting. When you’re leaving a trail of planted good deeds, don’t look back expecting payment in return for what you’ve done.

You will only understand what your seeds have grown into on the day when you’re standing in front of your Lord, reading your book of deeds.

Conclusion

I hope the little fragile seeds you scatter grow into thick forests of light, kindness, hope.

One day, when you are a parent yourself, and parenting stress finds its way into your life, I hope these words stay with you. There are indeed a lot of parenting challenges, but I hope you remember that even on the hardest days, the seeds you plant matter. They are seen. They are sacred.

As for me, I hope my dear daughter, that you will be the tallest tree in my forest of deeds, because you are my most precious seed of all.